Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh... Huh...
(Sally finishes, looks at Harry and smiles. Harry looks back,
looking a
little uneasy)
Lady from another table: I'll have what she's having.
("Winter Wonderland" playing in the background, scenes of Harry
and Sally
buying Christmas tree. Switches to them dancing at a New
Year's eve party)
Sally: I like you without your beard, you can see your face.
Harry: Hey it is my face. Woow, dipping you.
Sally: I really want to thank you for taking me out to night.
Harry: Aw don't be silly. The next New Year's eve
if neither one of us is
with anybody, you got a date.
Sally: Deal.
(They dance now cheek to cheek)
Sally: See, now we can dance cheek to cheek.
Harry: Mmm.
Sally: Mmm.
(Both of them noticed they are feeling something about this moment.
Just as
it was getting a little 'Heavy' we hear...)
Someone: (Out of shot) Hey everybody! Ten seconds
till New Year!
Harry: Want to get some air?
Sally: Yah.
(We hear the crowd counting down the seconds, "Seven, six, five,
four, three,
two one, Happy New Year!" Couples around fall into embraces
and gave each
other New Year kisses. "Auld Lange Syne" is sung by everyone.)
Harry: Happy New Year.
Sally: Happy New Year.
(They kissed, hugged, awkwardly.)
(Another old couple)
Woman: Well, he was the head counsellor and the boys' camp
and I was the head
counsellor at the girls' camp, and they had a social one night,
and he walked
across the room. I thought he was coming to talk to my friend
Maxine, 'cos
people were always crossing rooms to talk to Maxine. But
he was coming to
talk to me, and he said...
Man: I'm Ben Small of the Coney Island Smalls.
Woman: At that moment I knew. I knew the way you know
about a good melon.
(Sally and Marie walking to a restaurant. Harry and Jess
doing the same
thing. Harry is introducing Sally to Jess and Sally is introducing
Marie to
Harry at a match-making dinner)
Sally: You sent flowers to yourself.
Marie: Sixty dollars I spent on this big stupid arrangement
of flowers and I
wrote a card that I planned to leave on the front table Arthur
would just
happen to see it.
Sally: What did the card say?
Marie: "Please say yes. Love Jonathan."
Sally: Did it work?
Marie: He never even came over. He forgot this charity
thing that his wife
was a chairman of. He's never going to leave her!
Sally: Of course he isn't.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.
Where is this place?
Sally: Somewhere in the next block.
Marie: Uh... I can't believe I'm doing this.
Sally: Look, Harry is one of my best friends and you are
one of my best
friends and if by some chance you two hit it off then we could
all still be
friends in stead of drifting apart the way you do when you get
involve with
someone who doesn't know your friends.
Marie: You and I haven't drifted apart since I started seeing
Arthur.
(Sally stops walking, turns to Marie)
Sally: If Arthur ever left his wife and I actually met him
I'm sure that you
and I would drift apart.
Marie: He's never going to leave her.
Sally: Of course he isn't.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.
(Harry and Jess now)
Jess: I don't know about this.
Harry: It's just a dinner.
Jess: You know I've finally gone to a new place in my life
where I'm
comfortable with the fact that it's just me and my work.
If she's so great
why aren't you taking her out?
Harry: How many times do I have to tell you, we're just
friends.
Jess: So you're saying she's not that attractive.
Harry: No, I told you she *is* attractive.
Jess: Yeah but you also said she has a good personality.
Harry: She *has* a good personality.
(Jess stops walking, turns to Harry, raises his arms in the air)
Harry: What?
Jess: When someone is not that attractive, they're always
described as having
a good personality.
Harry: Look, if you would ask me, "What does she look like?"
and I said, "She
has a good personality." That means she's not attractive.
But just because I
happened to mention that she has a good personality, she could
be either. She
could be attractive with a good personality, or not attractive
with a good
personality.
Jess: So which one is she?
Harry: Attractive.
Jess: But not beautiful, right?
(Harry walks away.)
(They are now all at a table in the restaurant. Jess is telling
Sally about
writing. Marie is talking with Harry about something to do
with hostages.
Both group are not really happening at all. (and I couldn't
be bothered
transcripting all those cross-talk.))
(Eventually, they stopped. Long silence. All four looking
uncomfortable.)
Sally: Harry, you and Marie are both from New Jersey.
Marie: Really.
Harry: Where are you from?
Marie: South Orange.
Harry: Haddenfield.
Marie: Ah!....
(Silence. Harry and Marie are both holding a polite smile.
Then, nothing.
And both turn back to the table, looking blank.)
Harry: So, what are we going to order?
Sally: Well I'm going to start with the grilled riddichio.
Harry: Jess, Sally is a great orderer. Not only does
she always pick the best
thing in the menu but she orders it in a way that the chef didn't
even know
how good it could be.
Jess: I think restaurants have become too important.
Marie: Mmm I agree. Restaurants are to people in the
eighties what theatre
was to people in the sixties. I read that in magazine.
Jess: I wrote that.
Marie: Get outta here.
Jess: No, I did, I wrote that.
Marie: I've never quoted anything from a magazine in my
life, that's amazing,
don't you think that's amazing? And you wrote it!?
Jess: I also wrote "Pesto is the quiche of the eighties."
Marie: Get over yourself!
Jess: I did!
Marie: Where did I read that?
Jess: New York Magazine.
Harry: Sally writes for New York Magazine.
Marie: You know that piece had a real impact on me, I mean
I, I don't know
that much about writing but...
Jess: Well, well, it spoke to you, and that pleases me.
Marie: I.. I mean I really.. have.. you have to admire people
who can be as...
that articulate.
(Harry and Sally simultaneously looked at each other. They
each know what's
going on.)
Jess: Nobody has ever quoted me back to me before.
(The four are walking along the street.)
Marie: Oh! I've been looking for a pair of red suede
pumps.
(In saying so Marie and Sally are in a place where they can talk,
privately.)
Marie: What do you think of Jess?
Sally: Well, eh.
Marie: Do you think you could go out with him?
Sally: I don't know, eh.
Marie: 'Cos I feel really comfortable with him.
(Sally nodding her head, may be subconsciously.)
Sally: You want to go out with Jess.
Marie: If it's alright with you.
Sally: Sure, sure. I'm just worried about Harry.
He's very sensitive, he's
going through a rough period and I... I just don't want you to
reject him
right now.
Marie: I wouldn't, I totally understand.
(Harry and Jess now.)
Jess: If you don't think you're going to call Marie, do
you mind if I call
her?
Harry: No, no.
Jess: Good, good, good.
Harry: But for tonight you shouldn't. I mean Sally's
very vulnerable right
now. I mean you can call Marie, that's fine. But just
wait for a week or so,
huh? Don't make any moves tonight.
Jess: Fine, no problem, I wasn't even thinking about tonight.
(Sally and Marie walks over to the guys.)
Jess: Well I don't really feel much like walking anymore.
I think I'll get a
cab.
Marie: I'll go with you!
Jess: Great! Taxi!
(Jess and Marie hurried into the cab and it drives off, leaving
Harry and
Sally alone, again. They turn and look at each a other, a
little bewildered.)
(Another old couple.)
(Woman nods while the man kept talking.)
Man: A man came to me and said, "I found nice girl for you,
she lives in the
next village, and she is ready for marriage." We were not
suppose to meet
until the wedding, but I wanted to make sure. So I sneak
into her village,
hid behind a tree, watch her washing the clothes. I think
if I don't like the
way she looks, I don't marry her. But she look very nice
to me. So I said,
"OK." to the man. We get married. We married for fifty
five years.
(Four months later...)
(Harry and Sally are out shopping for a gift for Marie and Jess.)
(Harry slam dunks on a toy basketball hoop and said...)
Harry: I have to get this. I have to get this.
Sally: Harry, we're here for Jess and Marie.
Harry: I know, we'll find them something. There's
great stuff here!
Sally: We should've gone to the plant store.
Harry: Here, perfect for them.
(Harry puts a helmet on Sally.)
Sally: What's that?
Harry: Battery operated pith helmet, with fan.
Sally: Why is this necessary in life?
Harry: I don't know. (Takes the helmet off Sally's
head.) Look, look at this,
it also makes great fries. Oh, O-o, good, hold off the dogs,
the hunt is
over. Sally, this is the greatest.
(Harry turns the machine on, now speaking through the microphone.)
Harry: Sally, please report to me. Look at this, this
is the greatest, you're
going to love this. This is a singing machine. Look,
you sing the... the
lead and it has the backup and everything. This is from Okalahoma!
Here is
the lyrics right here.
Sally: "Surrey with the fringe on top".
Harry: Yes, perfect.
(Harry starts to sing.)
Harry: Ooo! Chics and ducks and geese better
scurry. When I take you out in
my surrey. When I take you out in my surrey with a fringe,
on top. Now you.
Sally: (With Harry singing along.) Watch that fringe and
see how it flutters.
When I drive those high stepping strutters. Nosy pokes will
peek through the
shutters and their eyes will pop.
(Sally keeps singing, Harry stopped as he saw something, or someone.)
Sally: The wheels are yellow the upholstery's brown and
the dashboard's
genuine leather. With icy glass curtains that will... (Still
on the
microphone.) What? It's my voice isn't it? I hate my
voice. I know, it's
terrible, Joe hate...
Harry: It's Helen.
Sally: (Still on the microphone.) Helen?
Harry: She's coming right towards me.
(Helen and a man approaches.)
Helen: How are you Harry?
Harry: Fine, I'm fine.
Helen: This is Ira Stod. Harry Burns.
Ira: Harry.
Harry: I'm sorry. This is Sally Allbright. Helen
Hillson and Ira.
Ira: Sally.
Helen: Nice to meet you.
Sally: Hi.
Helen: Well, see you.
Harry: Yeah, bye. Nice to meet you, Ira.
Sally: Are you OK?
Harry: Yah, I'm perfect. She looked weird, didn't
she? She looked really
weird, she looked very weird.
Sally: I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked
heavy, really, she must
be retaining water.
Sally: Harry.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
(They are at a flower shop, Sally holding a bunch of flowers.
Harry is
starring into space.)
Sally: Sure you're OK?
Harry: Oh I'm fine. Look it had to happen at some
point, in a city of eight
million people you're bound to run into your ex-wife so boom, it
happens, and
now I'm fine.
(Harry walks away.)
(They reach Jess and Marie's place. They are looking at a
wagon-wheel coffee
table.)
Jess: I like it, it works. It says home to me.
Marie: Alright, alright. We'll let Harry and Sally
be the judge. (To Harry
and Sally) What do you think?
Harry: It's nice.
Jess: Case closed.
Marie: Of course he likes it, he's a guy. Sally?
(Sally shakes her head.)
Jess: What's so awful about it?
Marie: It's so awful there's no way even to begin to explain
what's so awful
about it.
Jess: Honey, I don't object to any of your things.
Marie: If we had an extra room you could put all of your
things including your
bar stools.
Jess: No, honey, wait, wait, wait, honey, honey, wait, wait,
wait... you don't
like my bar stools? (To Harry) Harry, come on, someone
has to be on my side.
Marie: I'm on your side, I'm just trying to help you have
good taste.
Jess: I have good taste!
Marie: Everybody thinks they have good taste in a sense
of humour but they
couldn't possibly all have good taste.
Harry: You know it's funny. We started out like this,
Helen and I. We had
blank walls, we hung things, we picked out tiles together.
Then you know what
happens? Six years later you find yourself singing "Surrey
with a fringe on
top" in front of Ira!
Sally: Do we have to talk about this right now?
Harry: Yes, I think that right now actually is the perfect
time to talk about
this because I want our friends to benefit from the wisdom of my
experience.
Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in
love, but you
got to know, that sooner or later, you're going to be screaming
at other about
who's going to get this dish. This eight dollar dish will
cost you a thousand
dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of that's-mine-this-is-yours.
Sally: Harry...
Harry: Please, Jess, Marie, do me a favour for your own
good, put your name in
your books right now, before they get mixed up and you don't know
who's is
who's. Because one day, believe it or not, you'll go fifteen
rounds over
who's going to get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon
wheel, Roy Rogers
garage sale coffee table!
Jess: I thought you liked it.
Harry: I WAS BEING NICE!
(Harry walks out.)
Sally: He just bumped into Helen.
(Sally follows.)
Marie: I want you to know, that I will never, want that
wagon wheel coffee
table.
(Outside, with Sally trying to talk to Harry.)
Harry: I know I know I shouldn't have done it.
Sally: Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way
of not expressing
every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.
Harry: Oh really?
Sally: Yes, there are times and places for things.
Harry: Well the next time you're giving a lecture series
on social graces
would you let me know, 'cos I'll sign up.
Sally: Hey! You don't have to take your anger out
on me.
Harry: Oh I think I'm entitled to throw a little anger your
way, especially
when I'm told how to live my life, by Miss Hospital-Corners.
Sally: What's that supposed to mean?
Harry: I mean nothing bothers you! You never get upset
about anything!
Sally: Don't be ridiculous!
Harry: What? You never get upset about Joe.
I never see that back up on you.
How is that possible? Don't you experience any feelings of
loss?
Sally: I don't have to take this crap from you!
Harry: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?
Sally: I see people!
Harry: See people, have you slept with one person since
you broke up with Joe?
Sally: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
That will prove that
I'm over Joe, because I fucked somebody? Harry you're going
to have to move
back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York
and I don't
see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you! Besides
I will make love
to somebody when it is 'making love', not the way you do it like
you're out
for revenge or something!
Harry: Are you finished now?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Can I say something?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
(Jess taking out the wagon wheel.)
Jess: Don't say a word.
(New scene, in Jess and Marie's house, a bunch of people playing
pictionary or
something similar. Sally is drawing something on the white
board.)
Jess: Uh, it's a monkey. It's a monkey, monkey see
monkey do! It's... an
ape, going ape!
Woman: It's a baby!
(Sally points to her.)
Jess: Planet of the apes!
Harry: Planet of the apes? She just said it's a baby.
How about planet of
the dopes?
Jess: It doesn't look like a baby.
Harry: Hmm a big mouth... Mick Jagger is a baby!
Jess: Baby ape, baby ape!
Harry: Stop with the apes would you please?
Woman: Uh... baby's breath!
Harry: Rosemary's Baby's mouth! Won't you come home
Bill baby!
Woman: Babababy...kiss the baby!
Harry: Melancholy baby's mouth!
Jess: Baba...baby fish mouth, baby fish mouth!
(Out of shot: fifteen seconds.)
Woman: Baby boom!
Jess: Draw something resembling anything.
Woman: Crying baby, kiss the baby.
Harry: Uh...Baby spitting up, exorcist baby!
Woman: Yes sir that's my baby!
Harry: No sir don't mean may be.
(Out of shot: That's it times up.)
Sally: Baby talk.
Jess: Baby talk? What's that, that's not a saying.
Harry: Oh but baby fish mouth is sweeping the nation.
I hear them talking.
Man: Final score, our team one ten, you guys sixty.
Sally: I can't draw.
Julian: Nah, that's baby, and that's clearly talking.
You're wonderful.
Marie: Alright who wants coffee?
Jess: I do and I love you.
Woman: Do you have any tea?
Marie: One tea.
Harry: Industrial strength.
Sally: I'll help you, (To Julian) de-caf?
Julian: Yes.
Marie: Cream.
Woman: Where's the bathroom?
Marie: Through that door down the hall.
Jess: (To Julian) Doesn't look like a baby to me.
Julian: Which part?
Jess: All of it.
Harry: Hey Jess, you were going to show me the cover of
your book.
Jess: Oh yeah yeah, it's in the den. Look Julian,
help yourself, have some...
more wine or whatever you like OK? (To Harry) I like
saying it's in the den,
it's got a nice ring to it.
(Marie and Sally in the kitchen making coffees.)
Sally: Emily is a little young for Harry don't you think?
Marie: Well she's young, but look what she's done.
Sally: What has she done? She makes desserts.
(Harry and Jess in the den.)
Harry: Did Julian seem a little stuffy to you?
Jess: He's a good guy, you should talk to him, get to know
him.
Harry: He's too tall to talk to.
(In the kitchen.)
Marie: She makes thirty six hundred chocolate mousse pie
a week.
Sally: Emily is "Aunt Emily"?
(Den.)
Jess: He took us all to a Met game last week, it was great.
Harry: You all went to a Met game together?
Jess: Yeah, but... it was a... last minute thing.
Harry: But Sally hates baseball.
(Kitchen.)
Sally: Harry doesn't even like sweets.
Marie: Julian is great.
Sally: I know, he's grown up.
(Den.)
Jess: Emily is terrific.
Harry: Yeah, of course when I asked her where she was when
Kennedy was shot
she said, "Ted Kennedy was shot?"
Jess: No.
(Harry is in bed, reading a new book. Flick to the last page
to read the
ending. Phone rings.)
Harry: Hello.
Sally: Are you alone?
Harry: Yeah I was just finishing a book.
Sally: Could you come over?
Harry: What's the matter?
Sally: He's getting married.
Harry: Who?
Sally: Joe.
Harry: I'll be right there.
(Sally opens the door for Harry, she is covered in tears.)
Sally: Hi.
Harry: Are you alright?
Sally: Come on in.
(Harry closes the door behind him.)
Sally: I'm sorry to call you so late.
Harry: It's alright.
Sally: I need a Kleenex.
Harry: OK.
Sally: OK?
(They walk into Sally's bedroom.)
Sally: He just called me up 'wanted to see how you were',
fine. 'How are
you?', fine. His secretary's on vacation, everything's all
backed up and he's
got a big case to do, blah blah blah. And I'm sitting on
the phone I'm
thinking, I'm over him, I really am over him. I can't believe
that I'd ever
be remotely interested in any of that. And then he said I
have some news.
She works in his office, she's a paralegal, her name is Kimberley.
(Sob,
Sob.) He just met her. She's suppose to be his transitional
person, she's
not suppose to be the one. All this time I've been saying
that he didn't want
to get married, but the truth is, he didn't want to marry me.
He didn't love
me.
Harry: If you could take him back right now, would you?
Sally: No, but why didn't he want to marry me? What's
the matter with me?
Harry: Aw, nothing.
Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.
Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I'm going to be
forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there like
this big dead end. And
it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplain had babies when
he was seventy
three.
Harry: Yeah but he was too old to pick them up.
(Sally laughs a little, then turns into sobbing again.)
Harry: Aw... Come here, come here, it's going to be OK.
It's going to be
fine, you'll see.
(Sally is sobbing all over Harry's pullover.)
Harry: Oh go ahead, it's not one of my favourites anyway.
It's going to be
OK, hmm? You're OK? OK.
(Harry kisses Sally.)
Harry: I'll make some tea.
Sally: Harry, harry, could you just hold me a little longer?
(They start kissing, it didn't stop and yes, it happened.
They are in bed,
Sally is wearing a smile, Harry is wearing a blank stare.)
Sally: Are you comfortable?
Harry: Sure.
Sally: Do you want something to drink or something?
Harry: No I'm Ok.
Sally: Well I'm going to get up for some water so it's really
no trouble.
Harry: OK, water.
(Sally goes to get some water. Harry examines Sally's video
indexing cards.)
Harry: You have all the video tapes alphabetising on index
cards?
(Sally passes Harry the water.)
Harry: Thanks you.
Sally: Do you want to watch something?
Harry: No, not unless you do.
Sally: No, that's OK.
(Sally snuggles into bed.)
Sally: Do you want to go to sleep?
Harry: OK.
(The next morning. Sally is still in bed. Harry is
putting on his clothes
about to leave.)
Sally: Where are you going?
Harry: I gotoa go. Gotta go home, I gotta change my
clothes and then I have
to go to work and so do you. But after work I'd like to take
out to dinner if
you're free, are you free?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Right, I'll call you later.
Sally: Fine.
Harry: Fine.
(Harry kiss Sally on the forehead and leaves. Sally just
watches as he
leaves.)
(Now we see Jess and Marie in bed. First Marie's phone rings.)
Jess: Yours.
Marie: Hello.
Sally: I'm sorry to call so early.
Marie: Are you alright?
Jess: I know I would've called at this hour.
Sally: I did something terrible.
Marie: What did you do?
(Jess's phone rings.)
Jess: Now I know who I would call at this hour.
Sally: Uh, it's so awful.
Harry: I need to talk.
Marie: What happened?
Jess: What's the matter?
Sally: Harry came over last night.
Harry: I went over to Sally's last night.
Sally: Because I was upset that Joe was getting married.
Harry: And one thing led to another.
Sally: And before I knew it we were kissing and...
Harry: To make a long story short.
Sally: We did it.
Harry: We did it.
Jess: They did it.
Marie: They did it.
Marie: That's great Sally.
Jess: We've been praying for it.
Marie: You should've done it in the first place.
Jess: For months we've been saying you should do it.
Marie: You guys belong together.
Jess: It's like killing two birds with one stone.
Marie: It's like two wrong's make a right.
Jess: How was it?
Marie: How was it?
Harry: The doing part was good.
Sally: I thought it was good.
Harry: But then I felt suffocated.
Sally: But then I guess it wasn't.
Jess: Jesus I'm sorry.
Marie: No worries.
Harry: I had to get out of there.
Sally: He just diappeared.
Harry: I feel so bad.
Sally: I'm so embarassed.
Jess: I don't blame you.
Marie: That's horrible.
Harry: I think I'm coming down with something.
Sally: I think I'm catching a cold.
Jess: Look it would've been great if it worked out, but
it didn't.
Marie: Ah, you should never go to bed with anyone when you
find out your
boyfriend is getting married.
Harry: Who's that talking?
Jess: Who?
Sally: Is that Jess on the phone?
Jess: It's Jane Fonda on the VCR.
Marie: It's Bryant Gumbel.
Jess: Do you want to come over for breakfast?
Marie: Do you want to come over for breakfast?
Harry: No, I'm not up to it.
Sally: No, I feel too awful.
Marie: I... I mean is so early.
Jess: But call me later if you want.
Marie: I'll call you later OK?
Harry: OK bye.
Sally: Bye.
Jess: Bye.
Marie: Bye.
(All hang up their phones.)
Marie: God!
Jess: I know.
Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You will never have to be out there again.
(Sally putting on make up.)
Sally (Voice over): I'll just say we made a mistake.
(Harry in the shower.)
Harry (Voice over): Sally, it was a mistake.
Sally (Voice over): I just hope I get to say it first.
Harry: (Voice over): I hope she says it before I do.
(Harry and Sally at a restaurant.)
Sally: It was a mistake.
Harry: I am so relieved that you think so too. I'm
not saying last night
wasn't great.
Sally: It was.
Harry: Yes, it was.
Sally: We just never should've done it.
Harry: I couldn't agree more.
Sally: I'm so relieved.
Harry: Right.
Sally: Yah.
Waiter: Two mixed green salads.
Harry: It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not
have to talk.
(Sally nods in agreement.)
(Harry and Jess power-walking in a park)
Harry: It's just like most of the time you go to bed with
someone, she tells
you her stories, you tell her your stories. But with Sally
and me, we've
already heard each other's stories, so once we went to bed, we
didn't know
what we were suppose to do, you know?
Jess: Sure Harry.
(Harry and Jess in the street.)
Harry: I don't know. May be you get to a certain point
in the relationship
where it's just too late to have sex, you know?
(Marie getting her wedding dress fitted. Sally is sitting
down, watching.)
Sally: Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding?
Marie: I don't think so.
Sally: Is he seeing anyone?
Marie: He was seeing this anthropologist but...
Sally: What did she look like?
Marie: Thin, pretty, big tits, your basic nightmare.
(Marie turns to Sally with the dress.)
Marie: So, what do you think?
Sally: Oh Marie.
Marie: Tell the truth.
Sally: It's just beautiful.
(At Marie and Jess's wedding. Harry and Sally are best-man
and bridesmaid.)
Priest: We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage
of Marie and
Jess, and to consecrate their vows of matrimony. The vows
they take join
their lives, the wine their will share winds all their hopes together,
and
by the rings their will wear, they will be known to all as husband
and wife.
Sally: I've never seen her so happy, she's a totally different
person.
Alice: Oh yeah, she is, well... is great, so, what are you
going to do about
you?
Alice's husband: Hon, you want to dance?
Alice: Oh yeah, yeah.
Harry: Hi.
Sally: Hello.
Harry: Nice ceremony.
Sally: Beautiful.
Harry: Boy, the holidays are rough. Every year I just
try to get from the day
before Thanksgiving to the day after New Years.
Sally: A lot of suicides.
Harry: Hmm.
Waiter: Would you like a ___ with a shrimp?
Sally: Thank you.
Harry: (To waiter.) No. (To Sally.) How have you been?
Sally: Fine.
Harry: Are you seeing anybody?
Sally: Harry.
Harry: What?
Sally: I don't want to talk about this.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: I don't want to talk about it.
Harry: Why can't we get past this? I mean, are we
going to carry this thing
around forever?
Sally: Forever? It just happened.
Harry: It happened three weeks ago.
(Sally with a mouth opened, eye-brows stitched.)
Harry: You know a year to a person is like seven years to
a dog?
Sally: Yes.
(Harry smiles, shrugs shoulders.)
Sally: Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
Harry: Yes.
Sally: Who is the dog?
Harry: You are.
Sally: I am!? I am the dog!?
Harry: Mmm hmm.
Sally: I am the dog!? I...
(Sally walks away, turns around signals Harry to follow.
They walk to a more
private place.)
Sally: I don't see that Harry, if anybody is dog, you are
the dog. You want
to act like what happened didn't mean anything.
Harry: I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. I am
saying is why does it
have to mean everything?
Sally: Because it does! And you should know that better
than anybody because
the minute that it happened you walked right out the door.
Harry: I didn't walk out.
Sally: No, sprinted is more like it.
(Sally storms into the kitchen. Harry follows.)
Harry: We both agreed it was a mistake.
Sally: The worst mistake I've ever made.
(They are now in the kitchen.)
Harry: What do you want from me?
Sally: I don't want anything from you!
Harry: Fine. Fine, but let's just get one thing straight.
I did not go over
there that night to make love to you, that is not why I went there.
But you
looked up at me with these big weepy eyes, don't go home night
Harry, hold me
a little longer Harry. What was I supposed to do?
Sally: What are you saying, you took pity on me?
Harry: No, I was...
Sally: Fuck you!
(Sally slaps Harry whole-heartedly, then storms out of the kitchen.
Harry
took a moment to absorb what has just happened, then follows.
On stage is
Jess and Marie about to make a speech. Harry and Sally have
just arrived from
the kitchen.)
Jess: Everybody could I have your attention please?
I'd like to propose a
toast to Harry and Sally. To Harry and Sally, if Marie or
I had found either
of them remotely attractive, we would not be here today.
(Applause all around. Somehow the two faces aren't exactly
smiling.)
(Harry rings Sally leaving a message on her answering machine.
Sally just got
home from a lonely Christmas tree shopping, chooses not to pick
up the phone.)
Harry: Hi, it's me. It's is the holiday season and
I thought I'd just remind
you that this is the season for charity and forgiveness.
And although it's
not widely known, it is also the season of grovelling. So
if you felt like
calling me back, I'd be more than happy to do the traditional Christmas
grovel. Give me a call.
(Harry rings again. Sally is working at home, but lets the
machine answer.)
Machine: Hi, I'm not home right now, call you right back.
Harry: If you're there please pick up the phone, I really
want to talk to you.
The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that you're
a) Not at
home. b) Home, but don't want to talk to me. Or c) Home,
desperately want to
talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either
a) or c) call
me back.
(Sally looks at the machine, feeling something.)
(Harry and Jess buying a hotdog from a street stall.)
Harry: Obviously she doesn't want to talk to me. What
do I have to do, beat
her over the head? If she wants to call me she'll call me.
I'm through
making a schmuck out of myself.
(Harry is leaving another message on Sally's machine. He
is singing into the
phone...)
Harry: If you're feeling sad and lonely, there's a service
I can render. Tell
the one who dig you only, I can be so warm and tender. Call
me, may be it's
late so just, call me. Don't be afraid to just, phone moire.
Call me and
I'll be around... Give me a call.
(Sally picks up the phone.)
Sally: Hi Harry.
Harry: Hello, hi, hi. I, I didn't... know... that
you were... that you were
there. What are you doing?
Sally: I was just on my way out.
Harry: Where are you going?
Sally: What do you want Harry?
Harry: Nothing, nothing. I... just called to say I'm
sorry.
Sally: OK.
(LONG and awkward silence.)
Sally: I gotta go.
Harry: Wait a second, wait a, wait a second. What
are you doing for New
Years? Are you going to the Tyler's party? 'Cos I don't
have a date, and if
you don't have a date, we always said that if neither one of us
had a date, we
could be together for New Years. And we... could... you know....
why don't...
Sally: I can't do this anymore, I am not your consolation
prize. Goodbye.
(Sally hangs up.)
(New Years Eve. Harry is at home watching TV.)
TV: And here we are once again at the sixteenth annual New
Year Rockin Eve
coming to you live from the...
Harry (Voice over): What so bad about this? You got
Dick Clark, that's
tradition. You got Mallomars, the greatest cookies of all
time. And you're about to give the
Knicks their first championship since nineteen seventy three.
(Harry misses the basket.)
(At the party. Sally is dancing with some guy. She
doesn't look like she is
enjoying herself. He spins her, twirls her, flings her towards
Jess and
Marie. "Don't get around much anymore" is playing.)
Sally: I don't know why I let you drag me into this.
(Harry is now walking the empty New Years street.)
Harry (Voice over): This is much better, fresh air, I have
the streets all to
myself. Who needs to be at a big, crowded party pretending
to have a good
time? Plus this is the perfect time to catch up on my window
shopping. This
is good.
(Harry hears laughter, turns and spots a happy couple.)
(Back to the party. Some guy is telling Sally a joke.)
Joker: So the guy says, "Read the card." (laughts.)
(Sally laughs, not really getting the joke. Turns to Marie.)
Sally: I'm going home.
Marie: You'll never get a taxi.
(Sally turns to the joker and laughs again.)
(In the street, Harry is finishes off an ice-cream, throws it in
the bin.
Starts to reminisce.)
Harry (Voice over): You realise of course that we can never
be friends.
Sally (Voice over): Why not?
Harry (Voice over): What I'm saying... is that men and women
can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally (Voice over): That's not true.
Harry (Voice over): No man can be friends with a woman he
finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally (Voice over): What if they don't want to have sex
with you?
Harry (Voice over): Doesn't matter, because the sex thing
is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is
the end of the story.
Sally (Voice over): Well I guess we're not going to be friends
then.
Harry (Voice over): Guess not.
Sally (Voice over): That's too bad. You are the only
person I knew in New York.
("It had to be you" is playing in the backgraound. Harry
starts running to
the party. Sally is about to leave the party.)
Sally: I'm going.
Marie: It's almost midnight.
Sally: Well, the thought of not kissing somebody is just...
Jess: I'll kiss you.
(Harry tries to hail a cab but they all ignore him. So he
keeps running.)
Jess: Come one, stay, please.
Sally: Thanks Jess I just, I have to go.
Marie: Oh wait two minutes.
Sally: I'll cal you tomorrow.
(Sally kisses Marie then walks away. Then she sees Harry
arriving, still
puffing. Then, Harry sees Sally as well.)
Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking. And the
thing is, I love you.
Sally: What?
Harry: I love you.
Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry: How about you love me too?
Sally: How about I'm leaving.
Harry: Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?
Sally: I'm sorry Harry, I know it's New Years Eve, I know
you're feeling
lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and
expect that
to make everything alright. It doesn't work this way.
Harry: Well how does it work?
Sally: I don't know but not this way.
Harry: Well how about this way. I love that you get
cold when it's seventy
one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to
order a
sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose
when you're
looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I spend a day with
you I can
still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are
the last person
I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's
not because I'm
lonely, and it's not because it's New Years Eve. I came here
tonight because
when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you
want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible.
Sally: You see, that is just like you Harry. You say
things like that and you
make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you Harry...
I really hate
you. I hate you.
(They kiss and make up.)
Harry: What does this song mean? For my whole life
I don't know what this
song means. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot".
Does that mean we
should forget old acquaintances or does it mean if we happen to
forget them we
should remember them, which is not possible because we already
forgot them!?
Sally: Well may be it just means that we should remember
that we forgot them
or something. Anyway it's about old friends.
(They kiss and make up, once more.)
Harry (Voice over): The first time we met we hated each
other.
Sally (Voice over): No, you didn't hate me, I hated you.
And the second time
we met you didn't even remember me.
Harry (Voice over): I did too, I remembered you. The
third time we met, we
became friends.
Sally (Voice over): We were friends for a long time.
Harry (Voice over): And then we weren't.
Sally (Voice over): And then we fell in love.
(Harry and Sally on the couch this time.)
Sally: Three months later we got married.
Harry: Yeah it only took three months.
Sally: Twelve years and three months.
Harry: We had this... we had a really wonderful wedding.
Sally: It was a, it really was, it was a wonderful wedding.
Harry: Yeah, we had this enormous coconut cake.
Sally: Huge coconut cake, with the, with the... tiers and
this... very rich
chocolate sauce on the side.
Harry: Right, 'cos not everybody likes it on the cake 'cos
it makes it very
soggy.
Sally: Particularly the coconut, soaks up a lot of that
stuff, so you really...